Last year was a year of transition for me. In 2018, I found myself. Towards the end of the year I decided I would set some goals and make them attainable yet something I had to work for. So the big goal of 2019 is to do a half marathon. Crazy right? Especially for someone who only runs if she’s being chased by a bear, which by the way has never happened. I used to have to run in Crossfit and hated it. But for some reason I’m believing that since I’ve lose 80lbs that I’m going to find a love for running. So my buddy and I decided we would do a half marathon at the end of the year. Here’s where it starts… today I got fitted for a pair of running shoes that will actually help me! No they don’t run for me but they support me and will hopefully keep me away from injury caused by just buying a cute pair of Nikes. So the awesome team at Big Peach Running Co got me hooked up with the Brooks Adrenaline GTS 19.
They feel like air! The coolest thing is, my running buddy went a few days ago and when I told him about my shoes, he said he fitted for the same ones, but the guy version. Thought that was pretty cool!
Anyways… most of the world starting their New Years resolutions are doing the couch to 5k program. Well, I’m starting on the floor. You can’t go any lower than that! Hopefully floors in the future are for fallout and finding my breath! I have under 11 months to train for the halfie and I’m excited for this journey. This is my story! Change… it’s in the air.
What’s the best way to show honor? To just do it. You may be tested and tried but make the choice to return with honor. Honor does not mean letting someone lambast you, your character, and anything that you represent… but it does mean choosing not to respond in the same manner that’s being dished out. This is a tough one.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE.
I mean come on… don’t tell me you’ve never been unlovable? I’m sure there are moments of my everyday when I get that title. But hopefully there are more lovable moments that outshine the previous mentioned.
Tonight I am thankful for the chance to go to bed and reset. Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh start. Life may seem to be barricading me with a list of to-dos (I kind of signed up for it,) but there is restoration in my reset tonight.
Day 4! What a wonderful four days this has been. I resized on Monday evening, as I spent over an hour scrolling through people's lives and their junk, that I had just wasted an hour of my life that I can't get back. And hour that I was supposed to have used to do homework. When you work full time, you need every lunch hour and pretty much every evening (even weekends) to take on a full load of classes. So It happened. I actually saw other people's opinions and problems attaching themselves to me and I got angry! Not at them, because they are their own people- but at me. What was I doing? How many hours a day was I spending just seeing what everyone else is doing rather than investing into my own life? Rather than finishing that project at work. Rather than talking to my family when they're in the room. Rather than talking to God?
So I did it. I said goodbye to my 1,473 friends and told them I would see them soon. I'm sure only 14 of them read my status before my account was deactivated, because surely they don't spend as much time on Facebook as I do.
-Status Update- I have found myself losing my phone multiple times this week because it's not attached to me. I've listed more. I've accomplished more. I've focused more. I've stayed happy more. I went to the knee surgeon yesterday and I didn't have to tell my 1,473 friends what he said. I didn't send them a picture of me waiting to talk to the doctor. I didn't post a status warranting the "oh no's!" The "what's wrongs?" The "I'm praying for you's!" The "Tell is what he saids" — I just went to the doctor, got my results and went to work. If I told you about the appt, I reached out to you with results. #imokay #imisshashtags #hashtag
But all in all, I'm excited about my new found focus and the removal of that distraction. Will I be back? Possibly someday. But for now I'm going to focus on me. If you have my number, please reach out to me. Let's go "old school" and use the phone. Technology, while we need it, is also killing us.
You are important.
You are beautiful.
You are smart.
You are funny.
You are inspirational.
You are everything to somebody.
You are giving.
You are not hidden in the shadows.
You are more than your circumstances.
The contents of your wallet do not define you.
You’re not a quitter.
Someone is looking to you for guidance.
Your smile lights up a room.
Someone needs your hugs.
You’re more than the way you felt as you went to sleep last night.
You’re worth more.
Don’t give up.
Don’t give in.
You’re you and nobody else can fill your shoes.
Stay precious. You have a world to change.
This isn’t what you think. I haven’t been kidnapped by a group of hot firemen that are forcing me to eat ice cream while watching them all workout with their shirts off before taking showers and then forcing me make out with all of them, one at a time. No, I’m not trapped. I mean, a girl could wish.
No, I’m not run up a tree by a momma bear guarding her cub.
No, I’m not in someone’s trunk– kicking and screaming to be let out.
But I am trapped. In the best way possible. I’ve been fat my whole life!! I mean as long as I can reminder being alive, I have been overweight. Recently, I discovered that I have muscles. Well, basic anatomy will tell me that I have over 650 muscles, but you’ve never been able to see them. They’ve been trapped! But my recent efforts have allowed them to make their presence known. While blow drying my hair one morning, I realized I had shape to my arms! Even better– my shoulders did as well. OH MY TRAPS!!!!
I’ve kept this picture private for a few weeks because I felt silly over this little thing. But then I realized that I made a commitment to transparency and while you may think it’s silly…. I see a hurdle that I’ve just jumped over and I’m celebrating me tonight!
So, I say this for no other reason but to add a little spark of encouragement to life… Don’t quit. Don’t give up. There are changes inside you that are begging to come out. My traps are lonely out here all by themselves. But they won’t be alone for long… I have some biceps that are screaming to be released!! 🙂
If you’re going to get trapped—- make it good.
For the first time in almost three months, I wanted to quit. In the midst of the pain and hyperventilating, I knew I couldn’t go on.
Standby for transparency:
I’m having a rough time right now. I I feel like I’m never enough and I can’t meet the standards that have been set for me. I let other people’s words control how I feel and ruin my days. I feel like I’m running in a circle with nothing to look forward to. I know better days are coming! I’ll continue to give it my best!
This brings me to tonight. I knew I could let it all go tonight at CrossFit. I knew I would kick some butt and leave there feeling better. It’s not in me to quit on something that I’ve put my heart into, especially on a commitment. Even more, a commitment to myself. It’s been just shy of three months since this journey began. We all have our bad days, we all have our good days. Wouldn’t you know… Today was the lowest for me. I cried. I cried in the gym tonight. Not ugly cry – but tears did fall. I couldn’t pinpoint at the time why I was crying, until I laid down on the ground afterward and replayed the whole thing in my head. Here come the tears again. Why was I crying? I felt like I couldn’t do it. Shouldn’t this be getting easier for me? Why am I out of breath after a minute of rowing? Why did I just have to take 20lbs off of my bar so I could complete this one movement? Shouldn’t I be better at this? I let my mind take over my workout and it was that moment that I was destined to fail. Just sit here and cry and quit and give up. That’s what you know how to do. You’re no good. You’ll never be like the rest of them. You look like a fool. **** these are the things your mind can convince you until the greater good steps in. If it weren’t for that sweet voice coming over to me, telling me I could do it. Pushing me through every row and every snatch. Telling me it’s ok to cry but push through. Reminding me of #projecticeburg and my goals. I finished. I didn’t quit.
Here’s what’s cool. I wasn’t alone and I couldn’t have quit. Yes I’m a little embarrassed because I let tears come out of my eyes. But it’s not going to control me. So I’ve had some bad days. And I had a bad night at the gym. Grand scheme of things…it’s just another day gone by and I have another chance at a better tomorrow. Bottom line… I didn’t quit. I walked in. Warmed up. Worked out. Died. Recovered. Walked out. And I’ll do it again on Thursday.
“There’s no crying in CrossFit.” #suckitupbuttercup #projecticeberg