Keep Your Love On.

What’s the best way to show honor? To just do it. You may be tested and tried but make the choice to return with honor. Honor does not mean letting someone lambast you, your character, and anything that you represent… but it does mean choosing not to respond in the same manner that’s being dished out. This is a tough one.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE.

I mean come on… don’t tell me you’ve never been unlovable? I’m sure there are moments of my everyday when I get that title. But hopefully there are more lovable moments that outshine the previous mentioned.

Tonight I am thankful for the chance to go to bed and reset. Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh start. Life may seem to be barricading me with a list of to-dos (I kind of signed up for it,) but there is restoration in my reset tonight.

💙 Goodnight.

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What’s New(s)?

For the first time this week, I wondered what is going on in the world. Well, if you want me to be honest, I woke up wondering if Mayweather beat McGregor. Since I can't just open up my Facebook app to see all of my friends saying "I told you so!" "I knew it!" "Wow he went 10 rounds!?"… I went to Fox News and read it for myself. And got a little update on hurricane Harvey, now a tropical storm as it passes on through. And some other stuff. Trump, riots, police vs. citizens…. basically some of the same trash news I was trying to get away from. None of that really matters. Nothing I read was read was uplifting. Nothing made me smile. This re confirms that if I need to know anything, the people around me are going to tell me. I do miss the dog videos though.


– Camille

Goodbye Social Media

Day 4! What a wonderful four days this has been. I resized on Monday evening, as I spent over an hour scrolling through people's lives and their junk, that I had just wasted an hour of my life that I can't get back. And hour that I was supposed to have used to do homework. When you work full time, you need every lunch hour and pretty much every evening (even weekends) to take on a full load of classes. So It happened. I actually saw other people's opinions and problems attaching themselves to me and I got angry! Not at them, because they are their own people- but at me. What was I doing? How many hours a day was I spending just seeing what everyone else is doing rather than investing into my own life? Rather than finishing that project at work. Rather than talking to my family when they're in the room. Rather than talking to God?

So I did it. I said goodbye to my 1,473 friends and told them I would see them soon. I'm sure only 14 of them read my status before my account was deactivated, because surely they don't spend as much time on Facebook as I do.

-Status Update- I have found myself losing my phone multiple times this week because it's not attached to me. I've listed more. I've accomplished more. I've focused more. I've stayed happy more. I went to the knee surgeon yesterday and I didn't have to tell my 1,473 friends what he said. I didn't send them a picture of me waiting to talk to the doctor. I didn't post a status warranting the "oh no's!" The "what's wrongs?" The "I'm praying for you's!" The "Tell is what he saids" — I just went to the doctor, got my results and went to work. If I told you about the appt, I reached out to you with results. #imokay #imisshashtags #hashtag

But all in all, I'm excited about my new found focus and the removal of that distraction. Will I be back? Possibly someday. But for now I'm going to focus on me. If you have my number, please reach out to me. Let's go "old school" and use the phone. Technology, while we need it, is also killing us.

– Camille

A mere reflection looking back at you

You are important. 

You are beautiful. 

You are smart. 

You are funny.

You are inspirational. 

You are everything to somebody. 

You’re amazing. 

You are giving. 

You are not hidden in the shadows. 

You are more than your circumstances. 

The contents of your wallet do not define you. 

You’re not a quitter. 

Someone is looking to you for guidance. 

Your smile lights up a room. 

Someone needs your hugs. 

You’re cherished.

You’re more than the way you felt as you went to sleep last night. 

You’re worth more. 

Don’t settle. 

Don’t give up.

Don’t give in. 

You’re you and nobody else can fill your shoes. 

Stay precious. You have a world to change. 

  

Trapped!

This isn’t what you think. I haven’t been kidnapped by a group of hot firemen that are forcing me to eat ice cream while watching them all workout with their shirts off before taking showers and then forcing me make out with all of them, one at a time. No, I’m not trapped. I mean, a girl could wish. 

No, I’m not run up a tree by a momma bear guarding her cub. 

No, I’m not in someone’s trunk– kicking and screaming to be let out. 

But I am trapped. In the best way possible. I’ve been fat my whole life!! I mean as long as I can reminder being alive, I have been overweight. Recently, I discovered that I have muscles. Well, basic anatomy will tell me that I have over 650 muscles, but you’ve never been able to see them. They’ve been trapped! But my recent efforts have allowed them to make their presence known. While blow drying my hair one morning, I realized I had shape to my arms! Even better– my shoulders did as well. OH MY TRAPS!!!! 

  
I’ve kept this picture private for a few weeks because I felt silly over this little thing. But then I realized that I made a commitment to transparency and while you may think it’s silly…. I see a hurdle that I’ve just jumped over and I’m celebrating me tonight! 

So, I say this for no other reason but to add a little spark of encouragement to life… Don’t quit. Don’t give up. There are changes inside you that are begging to come out. My traps are lonely out here all by themselves. But they won’t be alone for long… I have some biceps that are screaming to be released!! 🙂

If you’re going to get trapped—- make it good. 

❤️Camille

There’s no crying in…

For the first time in almost three months, I wanted to quit. In the midst of the pain and hyperventilating, I knew I couldn’t go on.

Standby for transparency: 
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I’m having a rough time right now. I I feel like I’m never enough and I can’t meet the standards that have been set for me. I let other people’s words control how I feel and ruin my days. I feel like I’m running in a circle with nothing to look forward to. I know better days are coming! I’ll continue to give it my best!

This brings me to tonight. I knew I could let it all go tonight at CrossFit. I knew I would kick some butt and leave there feeling better. It’s not in me to quit on something that I’ve put my heart into, especially on a commitment. Even more, a commitment to myself. It’s been just shy of three months since this journey began. We all have our bad days, we all have our good days. Wouldn’t you know… Today was the lowest for me. I cried. I cried in the gym tonight. Not ugly cry – but tears did fall. I couldn’t pinpoint at the time why I was crying, until I laid down on the ground afterward and replayed the whole thing in my head. Here come the tears again. Why was I crying? I felt like I couldn’t do it. Shouldn’t this be getting easier for me? Why am I out of breath after a minute of rowing? Why did I just have to take 20lbs off of my bar so I could complete this one movement? Shouldn’t I be better at this? I let my mind take over my workout and it was that moment that I was destined to fail. Just sit here and cry and quit and give up. That’s what you know how to do. You’re no good. You’ll never be like the rest of them. You look like a fool. **** these are the things your mind can convince you until the greater good steps in. If it weren’t for that sweet voice coming over to me, telling me I could do it. Pushing me through every row and every snatch. Telling me it’s ok to cry but push through. Reminding me of #projecticeburg and my goals. I finished. I didn’t quit. 

Here’s what’s cool. I wasn’t alone and I couldn’t have quit. Yes I’m a little embarrassed because I let tears come out of my eyes. But it’s not going to control me. So I’ve had some bad days. And I had a bad night at the gym. Grand scheme of things…it’s just another day gone by and I have another chance at a better tomorrow. Bottom line… I didn’t quit. I walked in. Warmed up. Worked out. Died. Recovered. Walked out. And I’ll do it again on Thursday. 

 “There’s no crying in CrossFit.” #suckitupbuttercup #projecticeberg 

Change Takes Time

I heard it once said that it takes time to create excellence. If it could be done quickly, more people would do it. Everything takes time – On the other hand, time takes everything. In January of 2015 I made the decision that I was going to live. Not just live, but live happily – and easier. Oh how great it would be to take a flight of stairs and not have to stop and search for an oxygen tank. Or to chase after the kids and not have to sit down. Or to run the bases with my friends while playing softball. Or to not be left out on the fun 5K because all your friends want to run it and you probably couldn’t even walk it. Life is happening all around us and we have the choice to live it or watch it go by.

Here it is, January 2016 and I’m proud to say that I stuck to my decision to live. My first five months I was very successful in my weight loss. I lost 45lbs, a bunch of inches and started gaining some confidence back. Somewhere in that 5 month range I lost all momentum. I found myself wanting to drink cokes again. To eat whatever I wanted. To not be active. Quit going to the gym. It wasn’t a quick cheat and jump back on the train. It was a full on “I DONT WANT TO WORK TOWARDS THIS BECAUSE I ENJOY THESE THINGS I’M GIVING UP TOO MUCH.” temper tantrum. Why can we not treat ourselves and get back to it? We can – we just have to know our limits. Know when to start and know when to stop. I gave up months of progress to binge and indulge in these things that I had so graciously quit. So here I am, somewhere in the fall, gained a lot of my weight back (that came back fast!), and just miserable.  I had goals. I wanted to accomplish so much by January 2016 and I just gave up months worth of potential progress to go back to the life that got me nowhere.

Fast forward. In October my friend Shane and I were talking about addiction to sweets. We were laughing at how much of a weakness he had with sweets and I proceeded to pick up my 32oz (bucket) of coke that I was sipping on and told him that “this is my addiction.” Some of you will understand what I mean by this. So he challenged me to limit my intake and treat myself with one. I knew to do this, but it was the moment someone showed an investment into my life that I wanted to do better. So I finished my coke that day and went a whole week without one. That next Sunday I showed up with another one – but it was the first one in a week. I didn’t think anything of it until Shane came back to my media booth at church and asked me what was in my cup. I was no longer proud that I had gone a week. Even though he wasn’t speaking negative, I now knew somebody was paying attention to me.

Fast forward. It’s now January and I haven’t had a coke. Rewind. Shortly after these talks started, Shane and his wife Jade started talking to me about CrossFit. I never considered CrossFit because I wasn’t interested in becoming “one of them.” After a few more weeks of “You should come try it out,” I did. I’m not going to lie. That sucked. The 13 minutes it took me to complete what they call the baseline rocked my body. Just some rowing, sit ups, squats, push ups… you know – the basic stuff. (Yea right!) As much as I hurt, as much as I couldn’t move for days— I couldn’t wait to go back. Shane and Jade continued to push me and hold me accountable and cheer for me and invest into me. Continue. They still do it.Thank you both for sowing into my life and helping me.  I’m so glad I’m not in this alone. (Side note – Just because you’re the only fat person in a group does not mean that you’re alone in your journey. Biggest misconception ever!)

Fast forward. This week marks two months since I began my CrossFit journey. I’ve found a love for life. I’ve found a great new support group and an awesome group to call my family! I have the greatest coaches that want nothing but for me to succeed and truly mean it. This year marks one year since my journey started. It wasn’t easy and it’s not over. In 2015 I lost 48 pounds. I lost 63.5 Inches. I’ve gained muscle all over my body (Some you can see, some you have to feel and some YOU cant feel but I can.) — When you see me and you’re curious, by all means you can feel for muscle if you would like… I’m not against touching. HAHA

Finally – I’ve gone through all of this to say to you, don’t give up. It’s only been a year and I’m not even halfway to my goal. But I’m not sitting on the couch, just wishing for these things to happen. I’m DOING them. Yes this may be a new year where you can start a new resolution and get a fresh start, but i’m here to tell you that you don’t have to wait until Jan 1st to start anything. Everyday is a new chance and a new opportunity to start. Just don’t quit. Don’t give up. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. When you’re ready to quit because you aren’t seeing results fast enough, remember this… It takes six months to build a Rolls-Royce and 13 hours to build a Toyota.

Much love. Much success. Much life.

Camille

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